Space To Write: My first Writing retreat!

As a fledgling writer and a hassled mother / wife /carer /professional I am always looking for opportunities to get away from it all and concentrate on my writing. Well last weekend I attended my very first writing retreat and I have to say it was an experience that I can thoroughly recommend. I enjoyed it so much that I'm already planning next years trip.

I stayed in the beautiful Downhill Beachhouse. The hostel reserves its rooms during specific periods in January to accommodate writers. With 9 rooms, tons of beds, shared bathrooms, shared kitchen and a lovely communal sitting room with roaring open fire, it was the perfect escape. Check out their website HERE. I'm not entirely sure of the history of the house but its a wonderfully atmospheric place. On Friday afternoon after a tearful farewell from my daughter, I set off on my own little adventure. 2 hours later and guided by the satnav I finally made it to the house. The minute I turned into the gravel driveway my heart just skipped a beat. Wow! I was welcomed by the host and owner of Downhill Beachhouse McCall Gilfillan, who is an amazing visual artist. Her work was displayed throughout the house. Check out her site HERE.

The hostel is overlooking Downhill Beach in Coleraine in Northern Ireland. From my room I could hear the sound of the sea which was inspiring and comforting. It was a gloriously dry weekend and although freezing cold, the beach was just calling out my name and I enjoyed lovely walks after breakfast and in the evenings. Sometimes horses can be seen exercising along the beach. It was my own little stretch of paradise. I even loved the sound of the odd train running underneath my window!

A PHOTO TAKEN ON MY FIRST EVENING

A PLACE TO WRITE

VIEW FROM MY WINDOW

The best thing about going to writing retreat weekends is not only finding the time to write and not feel guilty about it, but also meeting so many wonderfully interesting people who respect your space and your writing journey. From singer / songwriters to poets and novelists, we were a pretty mixed bunch that weekends. While I was sitting at my little bureau at the window and looking out at the ocean, I could hear beautiful singing from our songwriter who was staying in the room across the landing from mine. I felt like I was in some sort of bohemian dream and I wanted to stay there forever! I made some fantastic new friends and look forward to following their careers. Edelle McMahon I will be keeping an eye out for your first album!

I stayed the Friday and Saturday nights and slept like a baby both nights. Something unheard of! Maybe it was the sea air. Maybe it was being able to completely free my mind of all my responsibilities. Or, maybe it was the fact that I was completely immersed in the writing experience.  Whatever it was, I fell in love with my book again and completed my first re-write. Now to move onto draft 2 asap! One of the unexpected things to come out of the weekend away was that I was suddenly coming up with some new ideas for my novel that will definitely be incorporated into draft 2. I found this all very surprising because I pretty much thought I had this story done but its taking on a new dimension and evolving in ways I hadn't imagined. I just hope I can make the deadline the Romantic Novelists Association New Writer's scheme have set for August! Eeek! Plus, I have some ideas for a couple more books. Not sure where they popped from! Double Eeek!

Look how close the beach is!

It's funny but that weekend away was just what I needed to make me feel like a writer. A real writer. To be able to sit with other like minded people and chat about our writing without any sort of judgement and lots of support was wonderful. Getting together in the evenings over a glass or two of wine and putting the world to rights lead to some wonderful storytelling and sharing of experiences, particularly the difficulty of being women writers, trying to juggle family and our passion for writing. The lovely sparkly fairy lights in the windows added to the atmosphere! Food was cooked together in the kitchen and shared around the dining table. If you wanted to stay in your room and do your own thing you could. There was just no pressure at all. My only regret...............that I didn't stay longer. But next year I am definitely staying for 3 nights! The family will just have to cope without me! 

Coming back from an evening walk

 

Thank you so much to our lovely host McCall who made us feel so welcome and shared a bottle of wine and some good craic with us all. And her lovely husband William who made sure we had a lovely fire in the evenings. Roll on next year when I can escape to this special place again! Maybe I'll be working on book 2!

All photographs in this post remain the property of JB Johnston and may not be used without prior permission.

©JB Johnston / Debbie Johnston

Stress? What stress? Finding my mojo again!

It suddenly occurred to me today that I haven't written a single post here since July. My wonderful intentions to be a prolific writer while I was off work during the Summer months all went completely to pot whenever I found myself snowed under with other book work and falling asleep at my desk due to some difficult parenting issues and a child who has been unwell. Coping on little or no sleep for days on end really put an end to any creativity I had. My brain had left the building. Things still haven't improved too much on the sleep front and for a while I had to scale back on the book work and my writing. I even stopped writing in my journal! But, thankfully things are on the up again. 

It's amazing how your body learns to cope with weeks and months of exhaustion. I have now reached the point where I can function ok on 2 hours sleep now. So, I have started writing again and taking on more book work. I feel great and realise that in actual fact stopping writing and scaling back on work were the stupidest things I did through it all. Now that I am writing again I feel rejuvenated and happy!  If I had only forced myself to sit down in front of my laptop during those days when I thought my eyeballs were going to fall out, maybe things might have been different. I'm really enjoying taking on more book work again and feel buzzed about it all. What had I been thinking, stopping the 2 things in my life that brought me the most happiness!?

The one constant through it all has been my wonderful writing group. We started off as part of a group facilitated by our local library. However, over the Summer and, despite being promised a new facilitator come September we did find ourselves running the group and keeping it going. To be honest, I quite enjoy it but really do have to rein myself in sometimes as I know it often appears I am Ms Bossy Boots and trying to be the facilitator. We all contribute to the group in our own ways. Me.........I'm an organiser. I have organised for some lovely local writers to come to the group to talk to us. I research stuff and bring print outs and writing prompts that are probably boring the rest of the group to tears. But, they are very gracious and thank me politely. What they probably want to do is beat me round the head with the endless bundles of paper I throw at them. Thankfully they haven't yet! They are a super group of people.

Being part of a writing group has given me a new found confidence. Each time we meet we try to share something with the group that we have written. That means finding my story telling voice and letting the group listen to what I have written. It has got to be one of the most nerve wracking things I have ever done. Up to this point I have never shared my work with anyone. But, all my fellow writers in the group are as equally terrified as I am about sharing work. It is such a supportive group of people and I have made some lovely friends. The depth of talent within the group is amazing and I am often in awe of the skills they all possess.  I only hope to be as good as they are one day.

One thing that I never got to be a part of this year has been NaNoWriMo and I am gutted as I have another idea for a book. Actually, I have two ideas! But, I am trying to be realistic. I am still working through editing the book I completed last year and it would be madness to take on another project with this one only half finished. My big wonderful Summer plans had been to finish the book so that I could take part in NaNoWriMo but of course that didn't happen. So, I am being gentle with myself. I'm managing to get to the library most Saturday mornings to work on the book. And while its not happening at break neck speed, it is happening. I still adore my book. It still makes me cry when I read it. I'm not ready to give up on it just yet! Plus, I have lots of author workshops to attend over the next few months and I am really looking forward to those. I am hoping they will provide me with more knowledge and skill around the writing process. My big goal for 2017 is to sign up to The New Writers Scheme with the Romantic Novelist Association so fingers crossed I manage to get onto the scheme. Then, I have no excuses not to finish the book as I will be on a deadline then!

With regards to the book work and blog tours......well I am now officially a part-timer in the day job! Work offered me a part time post a few minutes from my house and I almost bit their arm off! I've now got more time for my beloved book tours which I just love! All in all, life is good.  So, the lesson learned throughout a stressful Summer is...............don't stop doing what you love because you are stressed as it only makes you more stressed!

I'd be really interested to hear how other writers work through times of stress or when life gets in the way.

Writer Wobbly!

Lots of excitement this week as my second article in the Loveahappyending.com magazine went live! Hooray! When I read the article I did actually feel a little bit in awe that it was me that had written it and it actually wasn't half bad! To see anything I have written out in the big bad worldwide web is a bit of a buzz! You can check out my article HERE. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Although, already I am seeing ways I could have improved it! Is anyone ever really happy with what they have written or are you always subconsciously editing and rewriting stuff long after you have written it?

This week also saw me attending my second creative writing class and this time I did feel a little more confident. And, just when my confidence was growing, I realised that this was the last class before the Summer break! Damn it! However, all was not lost. One lady on the course is arranging a series of literary evenings in her house and asked me if I was interested in attending. Of course I am! And, a couple of lovely ladies in the class invited me to join them on a regular meet up over the Summer to talk about and critique our work. We are going to meet up in a swanky coffee shop, drink tea, eat buns and generally talk about our writing. We might even set each other writing challenges too and I was thinking about how to expand on this idea so if any of you wonderful literary friends have some good ideas for writing prompts or writing exercises then I'd love to hear them!

Having friends with a common interest really does help you to feel part of a bigger community. I do have lots and lots of wonderful author and blogger friends online and I get to meet up with some of them now and again. However, to suddenly become part of a writing community close to home feels really fantastic. Of course, the idea of sharing my writing with real people makes me want to pass out in a dead faint! What if they really hate what I have written. One of them is a journalist and really knows her stuff. What if she thinks I am a fraud!? Oh my god! What if I am a fraud!? What if I deluding myself that I can write!? Yes I know I am having a bit of a writing wobbly here but I think its allowed! Isn't it?  I really do feel like I am entering a whole new phase of my life sometimes and it does feel a little bit scary if I am honest. Ms Irrational Fear is my middle name!

But, just when I was starting to have all this self-doubt, a lovely author friend Sheryl Browne sent me an email to tell me just how great she thought my writing was. Isn't it funny how a few words in an email can hold such tremendous power. Words have the power to transform the fearful into the brave. They have the power to push us to keep taking another step forward when we've been paralyzed with fear for so long. So, thank you Sheryl for doing that for me. So remember.................choose your words carefully. What you say or write can not only change a person's thinking but also potentially transform a life.  What a great gift to give.

Drowning, Not Waving!

You know that thing you tell yourself you are going to do when coming up to an important milestone in your life? Yes you do! The one that goes..........'now I am 40 I am going to do things that scare me.' Just me then? Ok.........moving swiftly on...........When I was 40 (6  years ago........but shhhhhhhhhh) I made a vow that I would do things that made me want to pass out with fright or balk at the idea. And, I've done a few from abseiling to taking up running to being on a radio show to attending book events to writing! The list does go on and I won't bore you! Well, this week I crossed another thing off my 'to do' list...............I attended a creative writing class! No big deal I hear some of you shout but for me it was a very big deal!

At the heart of it, I am not a very confident person despite the numerous photographs of me dancing on tables or doing the splits at parties (yes wine does have a lot to answer for!) The thing I am least confident at doing is sharing my writing. The thought of actually finishing this book and sending it to people to read makes me want to hyperventilate to the point of passing out and waking up in a pool of my own sweat! Not very pleasing imagery but there you go! I'm assuming anyone who has written books feels exactly the same way? For the love of all thing chocolately tell me its not just me!!!

Anyway, back to the story of my creative writing class. I had applied for a place on the class a few months ago to be told that all the spaces were filled. It was in the local library and was a free class so I had summoned up the courage to go apply and you can imagine how I felt to be told there was no room for me! So, I walked away, head down and defeated. I whined to my husband that I couldn't get onto the class and then told him my life was pants! He suggested that I go back and leave my phone number just in case anyone dropped out or another class was organised. Why hadn't I thought of that? Was I really secretly relieved that I wasn't going to have to do something scary?  Despite fear, I did go back and leave my number and basically forgot about the entire thing until I received a phone call last week asking me if I'd like to attend one of the classes as someone had dropped out. The lovely lady on the phone explained that she wasn't sure whether the person who had dropped out was coming back but offered me the chance to see what the classes are about so that when the next lot are organised I can attend. Well, I had nothing to lose had I? Well, ok ..........lets not think about that.

So, on Thursday evening off I went to the library armed with my trusty notebook and pens. I felt like a child on her first day at school. The class was taken by a local writer who was lovely. However, it was obvious that everyone else in the class knew each other..............of course they did! They'd been attending from the beginning. Oh boy did I feel out of my depth here. What if I made an arse of myself? It wouldn't be the first time.

The class began with a lovely gentleman reading out a sonnet he had written based on 'homework' given to the class. Oh holy smokes the sonnet was amazing! I definitely did not have that kind of writing skill! Why oh why had I sat at the front of the class, directly in front of the tutor. Why hadn't I sat somewhere that would make it easy to escape! So, I had no choice to stick it out. 

We were presented with a picture of a picnic scene which turned out to be from an old movie.  We were asked to pick out one of the characters and write about what they were thinking. What was their story? And, we had to write it in the first person. Now, I know enough to know what writing in the first person is. Well I did until I was asked to do it. Suddenly I got stage fright and my mind went completely blank. I can laugh about it now of course because its such a simple thing but there I was put on the spot and expected to write something! And I couldn't remember how to! My hand was literally shaking when I picked up my pen. I looked at my classmates who were all scribbling away furiously! Fight or flight kicked in and as I was unable to run away I decided to fight. I took a deep breath, wiped away the sweat from my eyes, cleaned my glasses and I wrote! To be fair, what I wrote wasn't great in the allocated 15 minute slot but I wrote nonetheless.  At the end of that excercise we were asked to turn to the person next to us and either read out what we had written so they could critique or explain what we thought our characters story was. Well hells bells I wasn't going to read anything out so I turned to the lovely lady beside me and explained what I thought the character I had picked was all about! I think I did ok and we had an interesting chat about perceptions of scenes and people. Great I thought! I can do this!

Our next exercise was to write a character bio for another person from the picture. I found this immensely interesting as I had done this for my NaNoWriMo project, although I learned a lot more about this process during the class and I will definitely go back to my book and look again at the bios I have written and expand on them more. It might help me to make them more interesting and add a bit more substance to their personalities.  When we had completed this exercise, each of us had to talk about the character we had chosen and talk about them like they was a person we were introducing or talking about to a friend. When my turn came I actually thought I was going to fall off my chair in a dead faint. But, after a few gasps for air I finally was able to read out what I had written for my character and he turned out to be pretty damn interesting! The tutor was impressed I think and my character, a Mr Frankie Conway who was an Irish - American gambler and womaniser jumped right off my page and has been filed away for future use! Thank you very much Mr Conway!

And so, there you have it! I am waiting to hear if there is a place for me at the next class. If not, the class is going to be evolving into a writers support group too so hopefully I will be involved in that. While the thought of attending another class does still scare the bejesus clean out of me I was glad that I did it. And, in some weird way, I want to do it again! I want to learn how to make my writing better. I want to know what I am doing wrong and to have the skills to fix it. I want to find the courage to put more of my writing out there and cross another goal off my bucket list. Watch this space!

Leaning Into the Curves!

Well, its finally happened. My first article as a columnist for www.loveahappyending.com is out there for the big bad world to see. You will either love it, hate it or just think its a bit blah! Personally, I think its pretty ok. And by god its true what they say................writing is like going out in public with no knickers on! You do feel so exposed!  I understand of course that the article content may not be of interest to everyone in the world but I hope that I have written it in such a way that even if the subject matter does not apply to you, the writing itself will bring even the smallest of smiles to your face. You can check out the article HERE. Please go and read it and inflate my ego enormously! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.............good or bad.

One thing that starting to write articles for the magazine is teaching me is that its not that easy! While I used to write a personal blog around special needs issues, those posts were personal to me. The challenge in writing for a wider audience is to make sure that I don't personalise each article too much and make it all about me. Because the feature is about Home Help, I need to write content that encompasses quite a wide audience from parents, to homemakers to career minded women/men to well.............just about everyone I suppose and actually hope that people do find the articles helpful!  While I want the articles to be informative I don't want them to be too serious either. I think we can take life far too seriously and that just sucks the fun out of everything!

Yesterday I sat down to put together my 2nd article for the magazine and BOOM! Writer's Block! I mean seriously! I have a huge list of topics I'd like to cover in the features and so while it was very quiet in work I thought I'd get started on the next thing on the list. I merrily sat covertly typing away hoping that the boss didn't walk in on me typing up an article instead of writing the boring stuff I'm paid to write. I got about 4 paragraphs in when suddenly my mind went completely blank! My brain shut down faster than a computer installing Windows 10! Now, for me this is something quite unexpected because my brain never shuts up! It constantly babbles on and on at me, never giving me a moments peace. And, for those that know me well, my mouth never closes either and the two are in constant conflict! I sat looking blankly at the screen and then just put my head on the desk and counted to ten!
 

Yes I know I probably looked like some mad writerly type (Here's Johnny!!!) I thankfully hadn't reached axe wielding stage! A few big deep breaths however, a bar of chocolate and a reboot of my brain showed me what was wrong. While I had an general outline of what I wanted the article to be about and had been happily bashing away at the keyboard I realised that I in fact wanted to write something else entirely! The writer's block I suppose was my brain's version of an update! You know those annoying things that happen to your laptop when you are mid writing and the damn thing restarts without any prior warning.  My brain was trying to alert me to the fact that it was at odds with what I was writing. Now this is a new thing for me. As a fledgling writer I had often read of the dreaded writer's block or plot lines taking new directions but hadn't really experienced it to such a degree. It happened a few times during my NaNoWriMo project but not as abruptly as this. Then, there had always been a gradual sort of re-plotting and days of my brain toying with the idea. Not this! Goodness me this writing lark is going to be fun!

Writing appears to be a constant learning curve. Sometimes I am a pro at leaning into the curves and following the road ahead. Other times I fall flat on my ass and need to dust myself off and start again, hoping that I don't run out of fuel before I've finished. I often wonder if I have what it takes and have to remind myself that of course I have! Ultimately I am writing for me and if the end result is that one or two other people actually like what I write then I've contributed in some small way to the world of writing. I'm not sure my name will ever be in lights or whether I'll ever be lucky enough to see anything I've written on shelves but I do know I am extremely lucky to have been given the opportunities I have. I am extremely lucky to have such a great supportive writing network and wonderful author and blogger friends who are encouraging and just amazing! The rest, as they say, is up to me. I'm looking forward to a great Summer when I will be off work from the day job and I can concentrate more on my writing and my book work. Who knows, maybe I just might get that damned NaNoWriMo project finished before I have to start the next one. Buckle up! Its gonna be a bumpy ride!

Columnist Extraodinaire!

A few weeks ago I saw an brilliant job opportunity to work at a local magazine. The job was a work from home one too with weekly meetings at the magazines head office and not bad wages. It was my dream! It was perfect! It was everything I wanted! Unfortunately they wouldn't even consider me for the job because I didn't have enough proven experience. Apparently writing your own blogs, taking part in writing projects, co-writing a book for charity and organising blog tours and being a professional multi-tasker and Olympic sport busy person just weren't seen as useful skills for a magazine. I needed to expand my C.V if I was ever to be in with any chance to be taken seriously.

 ©Loveahapppyending

As many of you know, I am a Book Shelf Reviewer for Loveahappyending Lifestyle Magazine #LLm which is an amazing free online lifestyle magazine. This magazine is simply bursting with fantastic features with something to suit everyone.  Its becoming increasingly popular with a huge readership and I suggest you go check it out. Well, I am thrilled to share some wonderful news with you all. I am also to be one of their columnists. My fellow columnists are amazing authors and wonderfully warm and lovely people and the welcome and support in the new role has been amazing. A very special thank you must go particularly to Linn B Halton who is the managing editor of the magazine and probably someone who is even busier than I am! She is such an inspiration to me and great friend. Linn always offers me wonderful words of wisdom and is a constant support.

My column, called Home Help will focus on parenting, work, special needs and family issues. I have a wealth of knowledge around such things. Working with vulnerable families for a number of years I have quite a varied skills base and lots of experience to call upon. Plus, I am a working parent and carer too so I understand some of the difficulties faced by parents today. Let's face it guys. Its not easy! I am hoping my posts not only offer advice and guidance but also find a little bit of humour along the way too. Life is too short to constantly complain. We need to find some positives through the difficult times. Hopefully someone will find some of the advice I give useful. Or, if the column even makes one person smile then I'll have done my job. If anyone would like me to write about a particular subject please feel free to post ideas in the comments section at the bottom of this post.

The whole experience of trying to land the job at the local magazine I mentioned earlier really made me realise that I do need to get more of my writing out into the big bad world and I am grateful to Linn B Halton for giving me the opportunity. I enjoy writing and just want to share what I do. I don't think I'll ever make a fortune out of it but would like to eventually freelance as a full time publicist, book promoter, writer and possibly offer a P.A service to authors. I'm toying with a lot of ideas and my days just seem to get busier and busier. And, while completely exhausting, I am so enjoying all of these new challenges.

THE HEADER FROM THE COLUMNISTS PAGE!
 ©Loveahapppyending

So guys, any tips or guidance on getting freelance paid writing gigs would be very appreciated. I understand this is an on-going learning process but I do have a real desire to learn. If I am to eventually give up full time work and become self employed I am pretty sure that my family do not want to live on beans and toast ....... forever! Its all quite a scary prospect and for each day I have to drag myself into the office and do a job that is sending my brain into a coma, I spend most of that day dreaming about doing a job that I really love. But, at least I am taking baby steps into reaching my goals. Thankfully I have lots of wonderful friends to hold my hand through the scary times. Don't leave me!

MY BIO AS IT APPEARS IN THE MAGAZINE!

©Loveahappyending

In other news.............. I've been featured over at Celtic Connexions blog. Its always so funny to see myself as a guest on other people's blogs. It makes me go all tingly with excitement. Check out the post HERE.

I am also featured on Lozza's Book Corner! I feel positively famous! lol

Is it Me?

They say you should write about what you know but I am wondering how much of this would actually get you into trouble? When I finished my Nano project in November 2015 it was a huge feeling of relief. Up to that point I wouldn't talk about the plot at all with my husband and eventually when I told him what it was all about he looked at me, smirked and said, 'So its plain to see who each of the characters is based on!' Ooops! Was I that transparent?

That got me wondering whether I was going to get myself into a whole lot of trouble if the book was ever published. I knew I was basing the main characters on real people and some of my own experiences but I stupidly thought no one would make the connection! My darling husband and his enormous and infuriating brain figured it out in seconds. Fortunately I don't give a monkey's ass about the opinions of the people that some of the characters might closely resemble (Admit to nothing I hear you shout). I am no longer in contact with them and they'd never admit to reading any book I wrote! However, I am now left with another dilemma. I have an idea for a second book and its very clearly based on myself and my friends. Although, my friends do know about it and I threaten them now and again to base a 30 stone transvestite on one of them or a raging sex mad alcoholic! Seriously though, I am wondering just how careful are other writers around basing their characters on real people. I know that if I ever write this book I am going to have to be very careful when writing about people I know will read the book. I don't want to offend or hurt and I'm hoping they will see what I am writing as a compliment to the wonderful people that they are.

I think its quite difficult not to use traits from other people for your characters, particularly when they are things that make some sort of an impact on you whether from an emotional point of view or because you think they are the most wonderful people in the world and that needs to be shared. I know that some of the traits of my very best friends are what makes me love them so much. But, not being the most experienced of writers I'd love to hear the opinions of other writers. Do you risk an onslaught from the 'real' people in your life if you base a character, no matter how loosely on them? Are they easily offended? Do you live in fear of the neighbours slashing your car tyres or excluding you, heaven forbid, from all the neighbourhood watch meetings all because you wrote about a cul-de-sac where there was a bit of wife swapping or mad affairs going on in the garden shed at the bottom of the garden (yeah this happened!). Are you afraid Auntie Mabel will cross you off her Christmas card because you wrote about an elderly female character with a liking for smoking Cuban cigars or that Uncle Max will write you out of his will? Or worse, leave you his damn cat as a punishment when he knows you are allergic to cats all because you mentioned his fascination with ladies knickers! Are you at risk of totally alienating yourself from friends and family who live in fear you are going to write then into a book and then kill them off even if you have no intention of doing so!?

At a recent book launch for Colin Bateman's book Papercuts, which is set in my home town, he joked that often people think characters are based on them when in fact they aren't. I thought this was really interesting. Is it a case of inflated egos that cause people to assume they are the basis for a character or is it perhaps really clever writing that lets a reader see a part of themselves in a character who isn't actually based on anyone in particular? Some books probably fly pretty close to the wire and writers do have to be very careful from a legal point of view. Or is it a case of write and be damned with the consequences! I suppose all this will come down to experience / stupidity / naivety or all three!

I think that there is no doubt that it is impossible to write characters that may have some resemblance to real people and whether writers do that unconsciously or not I'm not altogether sure. I'm pretty sure that a lot of experiences written about are based on someone's real life experience. In my book some of what happens or the things said to the female lead character are things once said to me. Did I write this as a sort of therapy? Possibly. Did I write it as revenge? Absolutely not. I wrote it because it made a good story. I know that when I was writing my Nano book I googled photographs of what I thought the characters looked like and based a lot of stuff around that. Unfortunately they happen to look like people I know! Oh dear. I'll just sit here and wait for the court summons then if the book ever gets into print! Watch this space!

2016 here I come, ready or not!

My goodness! It seems we have all found ourselves at the beginning of a brand new year! And, like every new year I always like to start with a load of unattainable resolutions, setting myself up for complete and utter failure! Why do we do that? Promises to ourselves made in the heat of alcohol induced confidence on 31st December perhaps? Or do we really want to do the things we promise ourselves? Surely if we did then we'd just go ahead and do them. Wouldn't we? Of course we would.............I think! Quite often I set myself a goal. And then I fall flat on my face! Again! But with every passing year my expectations of myself and my 'goal posts' change a little. As I become older (as I'm constantly reminded of by my step daughter), my priorities change and I want different things out of life. Sometimes squeezing into a pair of size 8 jeans doesn't seem nearly as important as losing weight simply to be healthy. Or, being a little more fashionable doesn't seem as important as being happy in my own skin. I often wonder if we never truly make a decent attempt at reaching those goals because we are actually a little bit afraid of success. What would we dream about then if we actually reached those goals? No one said life provides any easy answers. Sometimes its damn well confusing!

So, what weird and wonderful new years resolutions have I set myself this year? All of my goals for 2016 are writing related. As many of you know, I took part in NaNoWriMo in 2015 and loved every back breaking, nervous breakdown inducing moment of it. It was tough. It made me cry. It made me laugh. Most of all, it gave me a great sense of achievement and a certainty that I should always be writing. I always knew I should be. I used to write a lot but life being what it is I always had other things to do. I don't think I'm particularly brilliant at it. Writing I mean. Not life. I'm damn good at life. I've got too much of it going on! I know I'm not going to be the next great author, wowing the world with my books. I just want to do something I love. There's too much going on in my head and I need to get it out. Since I started book blogging and in turn organising virtual book tours for authors I have grown a little in confidence. I now have many author friends who I respect enormously and I see how they have overcome some of life's obstacles to reach their dreams of being published. What a fantastic group of people! What an inspiration! I also see the generosity of the book blogging world and the support given to authors and I know I'll never be alone. I'll never be without a friend for advice, guidance or a shoulder to cry on when needed.

I still have so much to learn and the idea of sharing anything with anyone fills me full of fear and trepidation. I'd rather walk across hot coals than let anyone read what was written during my NaNoWriMo adventure.  Hopefully those feelings will soon ease a little and enough to let me hit the SEND button to share my writing with someone someday. But, the one goal I can achieve and in fact have already started is that I have started rewriting the Nano book. I sat with the laptop in front of me for ages, a cold sweat breaking out. I'd put it off all day but as I started to read the first chapter I thought of so many things that I should add to it. I have re-written it a couple of times now and I probably won't look at it again until the second round of rewrites. I'm taking this slowly. One chapter at a time. That's just how I work. I'll thrash the damn book to death before I'm remotely happy with it. It may take me years but at least I'm doing it! Something I never thought would happen. I'm still struggling with the idea of calling myself a writer. Am I really? Or am I just playing at it? Is it merely only a hobby or a vocation? Are those people who love to take lots of photographs really  photographers? Am I a wine critic because I drink it by the bucket? Probably not. For now, I suppose I am a wannabe. I hate that word but there you have it!

I've also promised myself I'll start keeping a diary again. Its always something I say I'll do and usually start but never continue with. Well, I figured that by telling you about it means I have no other choice but to keep a diary and fill it full of rubbish from my brain. Because, just in case you hadn't already noticed, I like to say a lot. So, for that very reason I have a diary which only allows me one page per day. Its a way of making me more succinct in my writing I suppose and try and cut out the crap I write. I don't want a diary to be a way for me to complain bitterly about my day or bitch about someone (I have this blog for that!). I'd like to add quotes I have found or links to important writing resources. Now and again there might be the odd 'I hate you cruel world' entry in it but I'll try to keep those to a minimum! We could all do without that sort of negativity. I just need to accept that sometimes life sucks! Get over it!

Another thing I've promised I'll do is find time to enter the odd short story competition or some other writing related comp so if anyone knows of any please let me know. I think entering things like this will keep me sharp. I'm going to be on the lookout for writing prompts too. I'm one of those people who sometimes needs a nudge in the right direction. I love grabbing hold of a suggestion or idea someone comes up with and doing something with it. When I was at school all those millions of years ago I used to love being given a title or a word and told to write a short story around it. While the rest of the class groaned their disapproval of the task I was in my element.  Yes my friends think I am a weirdo and they might be right. Didn't someone once say that you have to be insane to write? Probably something to do with those voices that keep popping into your head at the most inopportune moments!

I suppose one of my biggest goals this year is to make my book tour business even more successful. I love what I do and one day it will generate enough business to allow me to stay at home full time to pursue other writing work. Someone somewhere in the big old bookish world might even offer me a job! I'd certainly give up the other job (that currently pays the bills) in a heartbeat to do something I truly love. Can you imagine a job that involves books and writing and meeting authors and attending or organising book launches! Oh I feel dizzy with excitement at the thought of it...............or is that my hormones? I am a woman of a certain age after all! I want Brook Cottage Books to be thought of as one of the best book promotion places to go to. I want to provide a warm and friendly service that feels like the natural place for authors and publishers to come to. A book home from home. One fine day I'll even learn to promote myself a bit more.  Who knows what 2016 will bring. I'm hoping it brings 40 hour days so I can fit all of my New Year goals in but I can't see that happening! Anyway, happy New Year one and all. May 2016 be the year of your dreams.